Location: Sunnydale High
Thread Status: Open to Sam, Xander, Buffy, Faith, Willow, and Oz.
This is harder than Spike thought it would be.
He's never had to do anything like this, not to this extent anyway. Angelus always had two or more relationships co-existing along side one another, he seemed to feed off of jealousy and envy and used it to his advantage. Didn't help that the pounce always seemed to have girls ready to bend over backwards for him, among other directions he really doesn't want to think about right now thank you very much.
Spikes always been more of a straight shooter. Okay so maybe that's not the best choice of terms..
But you get what he's trying to say.
He can't help it, his heart was never meant to be broken up into parts. He's just been waitin' all his unlife, and whatever life he had before this one, for that one thing. That one person that's supposed to make it all better. Make everything else just...worth it. He's always just wanted one person beside him. It doesn't really matter the details of what they're doing, destroying or killing or saving or fighting.
He just wants someone that he knows he can call his, and mean it, and before now. He's never had that, though God he thought he did.
First there was Drusilla. The one that started it all. The one that hunted him down and brought him to salvation. She was his everything. His maker, his end and his beginning. It didn't matter that she was crazy as fucking sin. The thing that had always bothered him about her was that she was absolutely so incredibly infatuated with that pounce of a sire of hers.
How could she be, after what he had done to her?
He hadn't understood entirely until he watched Angelus make Barbara, and break her and shape her until she was a mixture of complete obedience and terror and mayhem. She hated Angelus. She was addicted to him. He had made damn sure of that. Be nice to her. Be mean to her. Be nice to her. Be mean to her.
In the beginning it was just pure chaos. She laughed, he'd make her cry. She'd cry, he'd make her angry. She tried to defy him, she wouldn't end up walking for a week or so. It wasn't the same as Dru. Not really...With Dru, Angelus shared her around like a Sunday whore, which you know, looking back on it, isn't too far from the truth. Never Barbara.
It's art in a way, the way he broke apart those girls and made them into exactly how he wanted them to be. Broken little dolls he could use and toy around with however he liked. Only problem was, Dru was supposed to be his...
At first he had blamed Angelus for that - stealin' her away but he knows thats not it. Not by a long shot.
Then, oh Gods, he fell for a fucking slayer. He just had too right? Because there's something sick and twisted in Spikes genetic make up and he isn't quite sure if it's because she stank of his sire as Dru had, or because he just had some sick fucking death wish. He fell for her, and as always, when Spike falls, he falls with his whole heart.
She could never see him like that though - and maybe she could if Angel hadn't been 'round. He likes to play the card of oh Angelus and Angel are two entirely different people, and if you ask Spike he thinks thats all a bunch of bloody horse shit. Angel is sweet and lovin' and gentle and Angelus is bad and evil and wrong. That means all vampires without their souls are that way right? Must be.
Only problem in that little ol' theory is Angel is currently tying a girl to his headboard and Spike has never just..fucking ruined a girl until she loved him. He doesn't have that in him. Much as he tried too for his girls.
Things aren't as white and black as that Slayer and Angel both like to pretend they are.
He's pretty sure the reintroduction of Barbara is going to put a whole lot of proof in that. Despite his stupid, special little snowflake of a soul, at the core he just wants to rip into that girl. That's Angelus barking at your door peaches, you're both one of the same. Maybe if he stopped trying to deny it all the bloody time and unclench he'd be able to relax a little bit more.
Maybe this will be good for him. Or maybe, and this is something Spike hasn't said to anyone, including his darling Samantha, Angels gonna discover just how happy accepting his true self is, darkness and all. That souls gonna slip out and oh man. He so does not want to be his sister vampire when that happens. He doesn't tell Sam - because she'll be high-tailing it to LA and dragging her sire back here, and he so does not want to deal with Samantha and Angel going at it.
He doesn't know who will end up on top and he doesn't want to have to guess.
There's no way this is gonna end in smiles for anyone, but there's a war ragin' and he's gotta focus. So he needs his girl to focus.
He decides to focus on the positive. like, how along with Barbara, came Samantha, and man did he never see her comin'. He knew he liked Angelus' childe, they had always got along great, she had never made fun of him or made him like less than their sire. He cared for her when Angel tossed her aside and he helped her find her feet. He didn't know how good of taste she had though.
Then again, Angel had personally dusted at least six of her childer that he knew of. Never her.
In way, Spike thinks, that was more cruel, but he knows Angel could never do that. Hell, Angelus could never do that.
and Angelus ate babies. *Babies* guys.
Okay so did Spike but still, he wants it to be known he was very drunk and cannot be held responsible for anything he may or may not have done during those times.
He never really got a chance to know anyone that Barbara turned. Nobody ever made it.
Somehow, Samantha did. Maybe Barbara was more careful, maybe Sam was just not stupid. Maybe it was fate and maybe it was a fluke. Who knows, Spike doesn't care. He just cares that she's here, and she's real, and she's looking at him, because oh God when she looks at him....
He swears he's never loved before, and he knows thats a lie but for a moment it feels real. So fucking real.
He's the truth: he's loved, but Spikes never been loved back.
Spike is loved back. Now Spike turns over and she doesn't flinch or think of anyone else. Now, they are assisted self improvement and discovering carnal ways to forgive and forget and hate and love. It's hard and rocky and it's fucking not easy to date someone while working for your ex.
Especially when your ex is quite literally destined by fate to murder your girlfriend.
It kind of puts a damper on the romance aspect. At times.
Sometimes he thinks of just bailin' but he finds somethin' keeping him here that isn't his heart or his dick for once. The only two things he's ever listened too by the way, screw his brain, what does he need that for?
Nothing useful..that's for sure.
The grounds shakin' beneath him and he feels it callin' his name. He stayed here at first for what he thought was love, but now it's purpose and it feels weird to hold in his hands and feel right. He's never had any sort of idea what he was doing with his life, he was just sort of barrel-rolling his way through. Nothings ever made much sense to him, not in any real way anyway.
This makes sense. He sees these girls fighting even though they might all very well die, he sees the slayers, both of 'em with sadness in their eyes because their power is something that only be shared with their last breathe and it might just be what keeps that girl or that one over there alive.
He sees Faith who had turned her back on her calling show up to offer up her life for this fight. He sees Xander go on with only one eye and a broken heart. He sees Anya whose never cared much for anyone but she's still sticking around because God, the heart does make you do some awfully stupid things. He sees Dawnie who was so small and so scared turning into this big bad watcher, and Andrew, whose annoying but wicked good at the books it turns out. Barbara and Samantha give up blood without a chip in their head. They hear one word about him possibly being in danger and Barbara's ready to throw herself in fully armed. He watches everyone becoming not different, but better. Better versions of themselves.
He might as well do that too right? If he can.
He's always wanted to be a better man. He's lucky he can't see his reflection because he knows he'd hate it.
He never had someone believe that he could. He never believed that he could, but Sam?
He believes because of her.
She adopts this mission as if it hers because it is, because he is, because this is what Spike has waited over a bloody century for.
He was just waitin' for her to show up.
He's sitting in the living room now, and Sam is darting back and forth because she's been briefing everyone but him. He gets it - he doesn't need to know the details, not right off the bat. He'll follow her to the ends of the earth and into the darkness. So he waits.
He's waited at least six lifetimes, what's a few more moments?
He turns his eyes toward her, "Whats the plan blackbird?"