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01 August 2012 @ 08:40 pm
Why do we fall?  
Characters: Angel and Barbara
Time: Afternoon
Location: Angel's Mansion
Thread Status: Open to Barbara

"I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt right now angel, but don't think I'm looking the other way. I'm watching you, and if you fuck this up… If you hurt her again… Sam will want to stake you, and I will not have any problem whatsoever in helping to accomplish that. She's been through enough because of you.. you do what I'm guessing you're gonna do again.. there may be no coming back for her. Tread carefully Angel."

The bleached blonde vampires words still echoed in his head, and Angel couldn't help himself from growling deep in his throat.

He knew that the vampire was right in his wording, but that really didn't mean that he had to like what was coming out of his mouth, or like the fact that they were directed completely at him. Hitting him straight in the heart as if it were an actual stake.

But he didn't want to hurt her. He didn't want to become Angelus again, that was one of the things he would always regret.. He would always regret the way that Angelus had treated the beautiful little vampire.

He turned toward her, about to speak, but he felt as if his voice was stuck in his throat.

Now see this here, this was one of the problems when it came down to being Angel. Whenever things got tense with someone that he really truly cared about, he got completely tongue tied. He never knew what to say, and if he spoke, he basically became a stupid bumbling idiot again. He became a drunk teenager that was never good at speaking his heart. Well he was, but, it didn't always bode well for him.

Something always went wrong.

Taking in a deep breath, he moved toward his childe and gently wrapped her up in his arms. He pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head, burying her nose into her hair as he gently ran his fingers through the silky strands.

"He's not wrong about wanting to feel that way about me.." he whispered. "he's anything but wrong, for once in his life, Spike is actually right and it scares me." he admitted. "I hate the fact that Angelus looms over my head, that he could come back at any moment of pure happiness, and I know that somewhere down the line that it's going to hit us square in the face, and I really don't want that to happen for you. You've become… such a strong vampire.. such a strong woman.." he paused again. "And i'm so proud of that."

"I'm so proud of what you've become.. Angelus may not be happy with it, but there isn't a bone in Angel's body that isn't proud. You're beautiful, and you're strong, and you've left that little Kitten behind.." he heard a soft purr and laughed softly, "Okay, maybe not completely, but enough that she's not scared of the life that she lives. And… if Angelus comes out, he's going to destroy you, and I don't think i could handle that."

He pulled away, holding her at arms length and pushed some of her hair from her face, so that he could look at her. "I'm not good for you, Barbara. And it kills me to say that, because for years I have felt completely empty, not knowing what was wrong with me, until now.. until I finally saw your face again, and i knew what i had been missing.. i had been missing you. It'll kill me if he comes out and hurts you.. I wouldn't be able to live with it."
Barbara O'Connor: manage youchaoticxbarbara on August 21st, 2012 10:49 am (UTC)
Barbara’s eyes were wet from emotion and so she was thankful for the fact that Angel wasn’t looking directly at her as he spoke. It made hiding her tears easy, she blinked slower than normal, hoping to wipe them from her obscured view. She wasn’t sure why she was crying - if out of happiness or sadness. This moment seemed to be looming somewhere in between the two emotions. She felt her throat burning, her un-needed breathe caught in the back of her throat. She swallowed slowly, hiccuping only softly between her quivering breathes.

It was times like this that she felt as if the time Angelus spent in her life had taken up much more than it had. His presence felt so heavy in weight for the control she felt she lacked when it came to him. It was hard for her to remember that her time with him was as short lived as it was. Being able to live forever made time seem like such a fickle thing, really he had only been a blink of an eye. He was something she should have been able to shrug off easily - a mere fifteen years in her almost two centuries of existence on this planet. She had been with Sam for almost eighty years - Angel should be nothing in comparison.

So why was he?

She couldn’t tell him - couldn’t let him know the power that he held over her. She was sure he had some semblance of an idea - but she couldn’t tell him. The sound of his voice, the way his words came out in a soft stutter, along-side the gentle quiver of his tone told her different. He was afraid, and she had a feeling it was a fear strong enough to try and drive her away. She couldn’t have that - too much like her sire Angelus, Barbara never went back on her word. It was unthinkable.

Although she was accustomed to being the weaker of the two of them when it came to Angel, she had changed a lot since their last encounter. She had raised a strong, independent childe, but that wasn’t without it’s effort. During Sams first years Barbara had been the dominant of the two of them - in that she had also learned how to care for her, nurture her, care and to comfort her when she needed it.

Sometimes she believed that it had done more for her than it had ever done for Sam.
Barbara O'Connorchaoticxbarbara on August 21st, 2012 10:49 am (UTC)
She tilted her head to the side slightly, eyes wide like a curious puppy as Angel held her at arms length. She was glad her tears had a chance to dry by now, leaving only a slight pinkness to her otherwise clear eyes. There was no fear in her eyes at his words, although she took them in with great consideration. She knew that he wasn’t lying, she was putting herself at great personal risk - he was giving her an out, a chance to walk away from what was considered a binding promise. Her hands went behind her back instinctively, fingers interlacing and placed in the small of her back. Her posture and gaze made her seem child-like and carefree, but she was anything but fragile. It was a trait she had grown to admire about Drusilla - the ability to remain bright and innocent in the face of sin and darkness. Barbara was the combination of everyone she had ever encountered, she took pieces and adapted them into her own personality.

It was why she was so flexible - able to adapt to her surroundings and to thrive in every situation.

“You may be afraid but I’m not,” She spoke slowly, trying to find her voice. Talking back to Angelus was something she been trained not to do, so trying to find her tongue was difficult. She would have to learn how to be in this relationship - just as much as Angel would. She bit her lip a bit as she felt her cheeks and ears warm from her blush, she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t a little bit excited at the thrill of it all. The idea of being so close to him again touched her deep down to her core. “You’re not wrong of course,” she added quickly, “but that doesn’t change it...This is why I was created. I’ve spent over a century by myself - away from him, away from you, but I’ve never been alive until now. It was like a half existence - stuck part-way between awake and dreaming. All my life all I’ve ever done is circle around myself, when all I wanted was to walk right back to this...” Her voice quivered, the truth of her words caused her to tremble, she didn’t like being so vulnerable or raw. She felt naked under his intense gaze. “I need this, and if you tell me you don’t, I’ll know you’re lying. I know the risks, but I just...”

She raised her eyes then, and her breathes came a bit easier. There was a small smile taking over her features now, mischievous and it reached her eyes, as it seldom did. Her smile was infectious, and she found confidence in a strange place. She tilted her head again before she spoke.“I just don’t bloody care.”